I am so behind in all of my web stuff! Without my laptop at home working now, if I don’t get stuff done at work, it doesn’t get done. *sigh*
I have things I wanted to write about, but I just haven’t had a chance to yet. Maybe I’ll have some opportunities over the break to do so.
Until then - go read a book. (As if anyone is reading this. If you’re reading, leave me a comment - I’m curious.)
I have learned, over the years, that bitterness and hatred will eat you up from the inside. Slowly and painfully. When I see people who are filled with bitterness, it makes me sad because I know they’re only hurting themselves and certainly not the people toward whom they feel bitter.
It’s cold here now. I love it, but there are definitely some drawbacks!
The first two I knew about from previous years, of course. This is my first winter wearing contacts, however. When I first got them a few weeks ago, they were so comfy, I thought, “Nah… I don’t need any rewetting drops.” Yesterday, I came into work where it was all nice and comfy cozy from the heater, and after thirty minutes, I thought, “Man… I gotta get some rewetting drops!!!” So, I bought some last night. Hopefully they will help. Otherwise, blinking is just… painful.
I actually wore my new glasses last night without getting a headache, though. So, that’s good. They’re so ugly. I should take a picture of them and post it. Maybe.
Well, gotta do some work now!
*tee hee*
I happened to pick up the phone at the same time my daughter answered it last night when her boyfriend called. Here is what I heard before I just had to hang up or burst out laughing and blow my cover:
Her: Hello?
Him: Hey. Whatcha doin?
Her: Playing Donkey Kong and DYING.
Him: Dying sounds like fun. *laugh*
Her: *giggle*
(silence………………………………………………………………………………………………………)
Him: You know how to play MASH?
Her: yeah
Him: Want to play?
Her: Ok
(silence………………………………..)
Him: Tell me when to stop.
Her: Ok, stop.
Him: Name three boys you like
Her: huh??
Him: Name three boys you like
Her: (pause) How ’bout I think is cute?
Him: Huh??
Her: How ’bout I think is cute??
Him: Uhh Ok… whatever
Her: Ummmm.. Youuuuuu…. a boy named B—- J—-…..
Him: Huh??
Her: a boy named B—- J—-!
(silence……………)
Him: Who do you like best?
Her: huh??
Him: Who do you like best?
Her: *huff* What do YOU think?
Him: Me?
Her: uhh… YEAH!
Him: Ok… sorry
At that point, I had to hang up the phone. I was laughing so hard (silently) that had I continued, I believe I would’ve burst a blood vessel somewhere.
OMG! It was SO funny.
Of course, later on, I looked at her and said, “So… how do you play MASH, anyway?” and she just looked at me like… NO YOU DIDN’T and said, “Were you LISTENING?????” I started laughing and she screamed and ran off down the hall.
Her teenage years are going to be so much fun. *snickers malevolently*
At first thought, I tell myself I didn’t “do” anything this weekend. What that actually means is I didn’t do everything I’d planned to do this weekend. What I actually did is a decent amount.
Saturday
Sunday
So, I didn’t get all the cleaning I wanted to get done, but I didn’t exactly do NOTHING, either. All of that cooking and baking stuff takes more time than it seems in those few short phrases above.
I need to get on the ball with crocheting, though. I still have plenty to do, and my time is rapidly dissipating!! Christmas is NEXT WEEK.
My 4th-grade daughter has a “boyfriend.” My 4th-grade daughter has a “boyfriend” who’s in 6th grade!! It’s not as bad as it seems, really. She’s 10. He’s 11. I know she’s an old 4th grader, so I’m guessing he’s just a very young 6th grader!
Frankly, I’m freaking out about this a little more than I ever thought I would be. I suppose it’s because she’s had a thing for little boys before, but I don’t think any of them have liked her back… until now! And if this little dude doesn’t like her back, well, I’d be surprised. He was asking her about her birthstone and jewelry and her birthday on the phone last night. Guess he may be planning on a Christmas present! Jewelry. Already.
Dude!
MAN! I have hit my jackpot. I don’t much care for mainstream music most of the time. It’s often shallow crap which just doesn’t hold my interest or grab my attention. There are exceptions, of course, but I much prefer something “real” to something “popular.”
I found several wonderful folk artists on this download.com site yesterday, and it makes me so happy! Of course, most of the music I’ve downloaded so far is pretty mellow, so I have to be careful. It can affect my mood quite quickly, if I’m not careful!
Here is a list of some of the “new” people I found.
Ciaran Flynn
Davide Gadren
Davie Tait
Dolores Mae Blue
Emer Kenny
Hannah Fox Larkin (really like her)
Jared Dobbs (very talented guitarist!)
Jeff Woodell
Marijan and Gillydee
Patrick Lehman
Richard Buckner (thanks, JakeD!)
Sarah Millyard
Serena Matthews
Shanna Zell
Steve Garvey
Steve Massey
The Moore Brothers
Tressie Seegers (awesome!)
You can find all of these folks HERE. If you like acoustic guitar and smooth singing, go. Now. Download. Listen. Tell me what you think.
Her head was always filled with crap. She often wondered what the movie would be like if she could extract it and project it onto the screen. Would people watch? Would they run screaming from the theater, their faces horror-stricken and rapt with confusion? Probably not. No one would probably even watch. Two minutes in, they would think, “What kinda bullshit is this, anyway?”
Sonya sighed and rolled over onto her back, the ceiling a blur above her head. About the only good thing for her right now was the moist, chilled air coming over her from the window next to her bed. Her window was always open. She heard voices and laughter, yelling and music. Always life down below, just outside the window. It was different in here, much like it was in her head. A mess. Piles of things lying around, organized but slovenly, with such a varied combination it looked more like an abstract study of color than a dorm room.
She blinked her eyes and tried to focus. Her eyes wouldn’t cooperate, just like her head. So many things. What if I don’t get up right now? What if I fail my Psychology class? Can I sneeze and still keep my eyes open? Why not? What makes them close? Does that mirror the lack of control I have over my own life? She was just learning about the myth of control. How it doesn’t really exist. How it’s only something people think they have tamed, like a pet tiger used in a magic show. It would do as you liked for years then suddenly turn on you and put you in the hospital. Yes, control is a myth.
Someone was coming down the hall. She heard the steps and knew they were coming for her. Just as she threw the covers back and swung her feet down to the floor, her door rattled with a heavy knock.
“Yeah,” she said, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it just as the door opened.
“You up?” Chelsea shoved the door open and stepped in over a pile of clothes. “Christ, Sonya. You’re such a fucking slob!” She laughed and sat down on the bed next to her friend, tossing her books on the floor amidst the rest of the clutter. “Hey, give me one of those.” Sonya pulled a smoke from her pack and handed it to Chelsea who proceeded to light it and puff away, never inhaling. God, that was annoying. Sonya hated it when she did that. It was such a waste. If you’re gonna smoke, smoke, but don’t waste my fucking cigarettes. She wanted to yell at her, but she didn’t. She just sat there, staring, as Chelsea leaned against the wall and picked fuzz from her shirt. Fuzz. I wish that’s all I had to worry about.
“You going to class today, or what?” Puff. Puff. Puff. Sonya grunted and got up off the bed. “I don’t know,” she said as she rifled through the empty soda cans and papers lying on her desk. She found her pills and popped one into her mouth, grimacing as she swallowed it. Too bad it didn’t do more to get the crap out of her head. At least it helped some. At least she could function. Sometimes.
She took a final drag off her cigarette and dropped the butt into one of the cans on her desk, grabbing a t-shirt off the mostly-clean pile at her feet and pulling it over her head. As she wrapped her hair up and started to pin it on her head, she caught a glimpse of Chelsea in the mirror. She was giving her that look. Sonya rolled her eyes, finished with her hair, and slipped on a pair of jeans.
She grabbed her zipper bag and started for the door. “I’m going to brush my teeth,” she tossed back over her shoulder, not even looking at the girl lounging on her bed. She heard Chelsea sigh loudly and get up off the bed, cursing as she stubbed her toe on something buried under a pile of clothes. Sonya didn’t care. She just didn’t. Not now. She couldn’t.
Wal-Mart sued over Evanescence CD lyrics
Oh for cripe’s sake!
*sigh*
Now, it’s Wal-Mart’s fault for parents not screening what they give their children. Ok… Whatever.
So, a thread over on NCT prompted me to go ahead and post this here, as well. This is rather long, but it contains important pieces of me. Read it if you like. Don’t if you don’t want to.
The thread on NCT says: “Give me a song that means a lot to you, and post the lyrics. Tell me why it means a lot to you, and maybe even supply your own interpretation of the lyrics if you want.”
So, here is how I answered.
I’m going to post (mostly) excerpts rather than lyrics for whole songs because otherwise, I would fill the page with song lyrics!! Here are a few of the most impacting for me.
(Wow. This is longer than I thought it would be, and I’ve left some out!) If any of you read through all of this… well, I’ll be impressed!
from Love’s Recovery
lyrics by Emily Saliers of Indigo GirlsThere I am in younger days, star gazing,
Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love’s perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Most of Emily’s lyrics I love for the sheer beauty of them. She has such talent with metaphor; it amazes me. More in-depth with this excerpt is the fact that, often, when we think we can plan our lives out and see ahead, we end up overlooking things that could have been because we narrowed our vision.
from Watershed
lyrics by Emily Saliers of Indigo GirlsWell I better learn how to starve the emptiness
And feed the hunger
Speaking in terms of the soul… desires and what-not. I try to tell myself this constantly.
from The Girl with the Weight of the World in Her Hands
lyrics by Emily of Indigo Girls“Is the glass half-full or empty?” I ask her as I fill it
She said it doesn’t really matter, pretty soon you’re bound to spill it
The ultimate in pessimism.
from Ghost
lyrics by Emily of Indigo Girlsand i guess that’s how you started like a pinprick to my heart but at this point you rush right through me and i start to drown
Ahh! Gorgeous imagery! Anyone who has ever been overwhelmed by love should be able to relate to this.
from Language or the Kiss
lyrics by Emily of Indigo Girlsi don’t know if it was real or in a dream
lately waking up i’m not sure where i’ve been
there was a table set for six and five were there
i stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
and there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
laughter like a language i once spoke with ease
but i’m made mute by the virtue of decision
i choose most of your life goes on without meoh the fear i’ve known
that i might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own
all i’ve sown was a song
but maybe i was wrong
Having always felt like somewhat of an outcast with my family while more openly accepted by “strangers,” these lyrics have always hit hard with me. They ring so true for so many people, and it’s sad.
Fare Thee Well
lyrics by Emily of Indigo Girlsfare thee well my bright star
i watched your taillights blaze into nothingness
but you were long gone before i ever got to you
before you blazed past this address
and now i think of having loved and having lost
you never know what it’s like to never love
who can say what’s better and my heart’s become the cost
a mere token of a brighter jewel sent from up abovefare thee well my bright star
the vanity of youth the color of your eyes
maybe if i’d fanned the blazing fire of your day to day
or if i’d been older i’d been wise
too thick the heat of those long summer evenings
for a cool evening i began to yearn
but you could only feed upon the things which feed a fire
waiting to see if i would burnfare thee well my bright star
it was a brief brilliant miracle dive
that which i looked up to and i clung to for dear life
had to burn itself up just to make itself alive
i caught you then in your moment of glory
your last dramatic scene against a night sky stage
with a memory so clear it’s as if you’re still before me
my once in a lifetime star of an ageso fare thee well my bright star
last night the tongues of fire circled me around
this strange season of pain will come to pass
when the healing hands of autumn cool me down
Ever had one of those staggeringly strong and intense relationships that didn’t last long but impacted you fiercely forever?
Get Out the Map
lyrics by Emily of Indigo GirlsThe saddest sight my eyes can see
is that big ball of orange sinking slyly down the trees
Sittin in a broken circle while you rest upon my knee
this perfect moment will soon be leaving meSuzanne calls from Boston the coffee’s hot the corn is high
And that same sun that warms your heart will suck the good earth dry
With everything it’s opposite enough to keep you crying
or keep this old world spinning with a twinkle in its eyeGet out the map get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down
We’ll leave the figuring to those we pass on our way out of town
Don’t drink the water there seems to be something ailing everyone
I’m gonna clear my head
I’m gonna drink that sun
I’m gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and youngJoni left for South Africa a few years ago
and then Beth took a job all the way over on the West Coast
And me I’m still trying to live half a life on the road
Seems I’m heavier by the year and heavier by the load
Why do we hurtle ourselves through every inch of time and space
I must say around some corner I can sense a resting place
With every lesson learned a line upon your beautiful face
We’ll amuse ourselves one day with these memories we’ll traceGet out the map get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down
We’ll leave the figuring to those we pass on our way out of town
Don’t drink the water there seems to be something ailing everyone
I’m gonna clear my head
I’m gonna drink the sun
I’m gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young
There’s nothing much spectacular about these lyrics, but this was like my theme song after my divorce. I felt so free and ready to strike out and just go with it. (I did not, by the way. I stayed right where I was. LOL)
from Leeds
lyrics by Emily of Indigo Girls… on a bed of anxiety over a deep dark drop down into nothingness into withoutyouness…
… find the open hole and press your finger there will all your might before the last ounce of my spirit bleeds onto the pristine sheets of the hotel bed in Leeds.
Just beautiful expressions…
from Deconstruction
lyrics by Emily of Indigo GirlsWe’re sculpted from youth, the chipping away makes me weary
And as for the truth it seems like we just pick a theory
The one that justifies our daily lives
And backs us with quiver and arrows
To protect openings cause when the warring begins
How quickly the wide open narrows
Being from an alternative religious sort now and having struggled with my spirituality for so long, the first time I heard this, it was like the proverbial lightbulb going on over my head. I think this is what people do far too often. They just PICK something rather than allowing the right thing to find them. But, I guess we all do that to an extent.
She’s Saving Me
lyrics by Emily of Indigo GirlsWe were sitting round a dying fire, somebody lit incense somebody lit a cigarette and passed the bottle around
It was just strawberry season, backbreaking pickers in the patches everything’s burning down to ashes and down to the groundShe’s saving me I don’t even think she knows it
It’s a strange way to show it as distant as last night’s dream unravels
She’s saving me I’m a very lost soul I was born with a hole in my heart the size of my land locked travelsI try to put it aside but it’s too much bigger than me there’s a big brown hawk in the tree Lighting and leaving
There’s tea leaves tossing, heads up pennies in my pocket, dead star like a rocket, the arc of my grievingShe’s saving me I don’t even think she knows it
It’s a strange way to show it as distant as last night’s dream unravels
She’s saving me I’m a very lost soul I was born with a hole in my heart the size of my land locked travelsThe sky pours out biblical rain
Then days so still the beauty gives you pain
The heatwave kills the green and she remains unseen
But colors up my dream with all things bloomingThis is not all there is - it’s not a kingdom - it’s not an angry god
It feels like her
It feels like no fear, it feels like no doubt, it feels like inside out
The ashes stirShe’s saving me I don’t really think she knows it
It’s a strange way to show it as distant as last night’s dream unravels
She’s saving me I’m a very lost soul
I was born with a hole in my heart as wide as my land locked travels
I think the ideas behind this could be applied personally in so many different ways for different people. This song is just beautiful. (It’s just not ever the same only reading lyrics and not hearing the music, too. I suggest you ALL go and listen to all of these songs! ) I found out, after seeing how perfectly this song could fit with the idea of the Pagan Goddess (which I knew it wasn’t because Emily is Christian), that she wrote this song about her younger sister who died. I don’t know anymore details than that.
So, if you made it this far, can you tell who has had the most influence on my life over the past 14 years?
resource: Indigo Girls Website
It’s 6:10 a.m. on a Saturday morning, and I’ve been awake since 5:30 a.m.
Do I really need to say more?
If everyone hates them so much, why does everyone have them nowadays?
I just bought, downloaded, and burned Joss Stone’s The Soul Sessions this morning. $8.80 from Wal-Mart. (The biggest suck thing about it, though, is that the basic Roxio applet will only burn at freakin’ 4x!!!)
Joss Stone has such an awesome voice! I heard about her not too long ago from Skip. Of course, I forgot soon after. Then yesterday, while downloading free tracks from Amazon, I came across her name again. (Incidentally, the two tracks they had listed for available free download for her were no longer available.) So, this morning I checked her out, listened to some clips, and snarfed up that Soul Sessions album. I can’t wait to listen! 
The bad cat sure has been minding his Ps and Qs since he was let back in the house yesterday! Hehehehe. We’ll see how long THAT lasts. At least I got a full night’s sleep last night.
On a more interesting note, I went to see my OB/GYN yesterday to have an IUD inserted. We, of course, had to wait an hour and a half (as is typical) in the doctor’s office before going back for the actual procedure. For those of you (the whole two of you) who may not know, my husband is quite a clown. He also believes that he is King of All Medical Knowledge here lately because he successfully completed one quarter of Anatomy and Physiology. *rolls eyes* Anyway, he decided to go back with me and observe the procedure - which is fine. I certainly don’t mind that. But when the doctor came in, Skip says, “I wanna do it!” Doctor says, “Ok!” I say, “…….”
So, thinking I’m going to be Miss Smarty Pants, as usual, I look at the doctor and say, “Ok… how many IUDs have YOU put in?” Now, he is supposed to say, “[insert large number here],” so that I can turn to my husband and ask him the same question. Thereby illustrating my point of experience vs. whatever-Skip-thinks-he-has. Do you think that’s what happened? Of course not!
Without missing a beat, the doctor says, “None… but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night!”
I must admit, that was a good one. It’s nice to have a doc with a sense of humor about things.
After the pleasantries, the unpleasantries began.
NOTE: I’m going to give a detailed description of the procedure next, so if you don’t want to read, skip over the following section!!!
For the most part, it was fairly uneventful and no worse than a normal gynecological exam (of course, those are just so much fun, I always throw a party before I go have one).
Step One: The Speculum
He began by inserting the speculum and making a gaping hole, so he could see straight through to my cervix.Step Two: The Swab
Then he swabs said cervix with a Betadine-laden mile-long cotton swab. That was an odd feeling, but not painful.Step Three: The Pinchers
Next came the first thing with which I was wholly unfamiliar: the cervical clamp thing. I’m not sure exactly what he did with that, but it involved pinching and my cervix. Again, that wasn’t really painful. It was odd feeling. At this point I’m thinking, “Hey. This isn’t so bad!”Step Four: Absolute Hell - Otherwise called Sounding
Then he does what they call “sounding” the uterus. HOOO WEEEE!!! He didn’t warn me enough about that one ahead of time. That shite hurted! Apparently, it was some sort of steel rod with measurement markings and a bulb on the end which he inserted through the cervix and into my uterus to measure depth so that he would know how far in to insert the actual IUD. If you ever go to have an IUD, this is going to be the worst part. Trust me!Step Five: The T.V. Antenna Goes In
The IUD insertion, itself, was easy. I didn’t feel a thing. They take the “T” and fold the arms down into the insertion tube. Then the tube is inserted, something is pushed to make the “T” arms pop out, and the insertion tube is removed.VOILA! 10 years of birth control you don’t have to worry about any longer!
I spotted a little yesterday and cramped later in the afternoon for a few hours. Today, I’m fine. Supposedly, the only “normal” side-effect is the possibility of increased bleeding and cramping during menstrual cycles. We’ll see how that goes. Maybe I will be one of the rare ones who does NOT get that.
Now that I’ve wasted brain cells relaying a boring version of an exciting/interesting/educational/painful/weird event, I’m going to wait for lunchtime to come around.
My husband is a pushover. He let the cat back in this afternoon. He did say, however, that Keats is “keeping a low profile.” Maybe his hard-headedness finally learned a lesson.
Oh, and for clarification. When I tossed him out, I wasn’t just throwing him to the dogs nor thinking of abandoning him. But if he doesn’t straighten up his act, he will quickly become an outdoor cat! That’s all. I will still feed him and give him water and some attention and all that. I promise.
But, we’ll see what happens!
We had learned that one (or both) of our cats had figured out how to break into our master bathroom. We weren’t sure which one it was until I was awakened this morning around 4:00 a.m. by a pronounced and annoying “thump thump scritch scratch” sound. I yelled, “Stop it!” Silence…. “thump thump scritch scratch.”
@#$*&)@(#*$*&!!!
So, I got out of bed, chased the cat (it was Keats, incidentally, who has been getting on everyone’s nerves lately) out of the bedroom and barracaded the cat door. Still cursing under my breath, I climbed back into bed with hopes of falling back to sleep quickly.
“scratch iiiiiiiiiiiiiirk scratch scrrrrratch”
*@#(*@&#($*@(*#!!!
That was it. I’d had enough of his aggravation. I threw the covers off of me, stormed out of the bedroom, chased him down, grabbed him, and promptly tossed his annoying self-serving assholiness OUT the door and into the yard.
Ahhhh…. sleep. Finally.
I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to allow him back into the house or not. I’m leaning toward NOT at the moment. I just wonder how badly Chili will be affected. Frankly, I think he was getting on his nerves, too. We’ll see.
Back to work for the moment. Then off to the doctor later.
So, I got a layout of how I want this blog to look eventually. My lovely bestest best friend is working on helping me figure out how to do it. I don’t know why I’m so scared of stylesheets. I guess it’s just scary having to be organized from the get-go. I’m used to flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak.
I should also know better than to try and do this at work. I get interrupted. She gets interrupted. Etc. Just not smart. But, I do it anyway! Better than trying to work on the laptop at home. I hate touchpads.
I got my new glasses last night, finally. So, when I got home, I popped out my contacts and slid on the new spectacles. OW!!! I thought my eyes just needed to get used to them, but something must be bad wrong. I ended up with a headache last night, and I still had it when I woke up this morning. I was supposed to call my eye doctor today and discuss these things, but I didn’t. I got too caught up with work and CSS. But, somebody is going to have to do SOMETHING to fix this problem! I cannot wear these things.
I must do some crochet work tonight. I didn’t do any again last night. I also need to wash white clothes and fold and put away my clothes that are still in the dryer from Sunday. *SIGH* I don’t know what is up with me lately. I just seem to be in this funk.
Tomorrow morning, I’m going to see my OB/GYN to have an IUD inserted. After discussing options with my doctor, we decided it would be in the world’s best interest that I NOT go on birth control pills. I’m afraid I would murder people. So, we’ll see how this works. I hope I won’t have too many complications from it. Now, on that personal note, I think I’ll stop babbling for now.
Will this blog be important enough for me to worry with creating a CSS layout I really like? I tend to think it WILL NOT because I always abandon projects like this. I try to look at these example CSS files and see how it all fits together, and my brain gets so overwhelmed, I don’t know where to start or what to do. I suppose it would help if I knew what I wanted my stuff to look like FIRST, but then… I don’t know what all elements are defined and shown, etc.
I’m lazy.
It would take too much brain work. I don’t want to.
The bad thing is, I know I can do this. I don’t know why it overwhelms me so much! I really don’t. I wish - just once - I could find a site where someone would create an image of the webpage as it looks to people viewing it and label the sections with what their relevant CSS tag or whatever is. THAT would help me a lot! But, I’ve yet to find anyone who has done that. I tried to do it myself once, but it didn’t work very well.
I guess the best thing to do would be to comb through the html and see what all IDs are used or something. MEH MEH MEH!
Hives, yes. I came down with a case of them Friday night! I don’t know what in the world. This is only the second time in my life (that I can recall) I’ve had hives. They’ve been bothering me all weekend, so I basically stayed doped up on Benadryl, slept, crocheted a little, and played Ratchet and Clank. I’m still itching today and seriously NOT in a mood to be at work! I took one Benadryl awhile ago, so it’s not affecting me as badly as two did all weekend. I still feel like crap, though.
Spider-Man 2 was pretty good but not as enjoyable as I thought it would be. It was a bit slow to start, but they covered story line pretty well in the slow beginning parts, I think. Once it got going, it held my attention well enough. The F/X with Doc Ock were great. The ones with Spider-Man were good except for the very first shot. It was so obviously CG cheesy. They could’ve done much better than that - especially for the opening scene.
Yesterday, we all watched Elf, and I must say, it was a really really good family movie! I didn’t expect it to be that way, but it was. Will Ferrell was hilarious in such a nicely innocent way. Definitely one of those corny feel-good Christmas movie which brings a smile to your face despite yourself.
I am in such a crappy mood today, and I don’t know why. It may be because I was up until about 3:00 a.m. both nights of the weekend (save last night) and slept a lot due to Benadryl dosage. Meh.
