07.30.08
Posted in Life, Newsletter at 7:42 am by Jules
I can’t really talk much about being present today. I can’t even remember the last moment of presence I had, however fleeting. What I can talk about is struggle and courage.
I have been struggling a great deal lately with a great many things in my life. When the pile-up gets so overwhelming, clawing your way from the bottom seems impossible. When there is strife staring you down after every turn you make, becoming disheartened is the easiest thing to do.
It’s so odd how sometimes things happen just when you need them to happen. You get an inspirational email every day. When you’re feeling good, often, you’ll just delete it without even reading. When you’re feeling bad, you’ll decide maybe to read it today instead of deleting it. Sometimes … that’s just what you need to do. See what’s there. Use what’s available. Take heed of advice which seems to come at just the right time.
This morning, I decided to actually read my “Today’s Gift” email from Hazelden. I’m going to share that with you here.
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says: “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
–Anne Hunninghake
A key quality that distinguishes a successful athlete, or a top-notch performer in any field, is the way he responds to his bad days. Everyone has good days and bad days, and the good ones are certainly easier to handle. But do we allow the bad ones to throw us off our course? Are we so shaken by our mistakes or troubles that we lose our focus on our goals?
Adult development is a process; it’s never an end goal that we reach and hold. Our healing and recovery includes preparing ourselves to respond well to the bad days. We can do that by keeping our eye on the big picture, knowing that however bad things may seem at the moment, they will change. We learn to reach deep into our spiritual center for the courage to stay focused in the midst of our hardest days. We don’t have to do it alone. We have the spiritual support of our Higher Power and the companionship of our friends to keep us on the path.
Today I will stay in touch with my spiritual center to find the courage for another day.
from Wisdom to Know by Anonymous
Being in the midst of a whole slew of “bad days” lately, these words couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time for me. It is imperative that we remember the old adage, “This, too, shall pass,” because it is absolutely true. It *will* pass - whether we want it to or not. What’s really important is how we handle it while it’s passing.
In my opinion, courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to face whatever you must in spite of the existing fear. When you cannot even find a glimpse of yourself or any good in the midst of all your … crap, finding the courage can seem absolutely impossible. But, it’s not. The courage is THERE. You just have to let yourself see it and tap into it.
I’m having a bad time, and that’s okay. This, too, shall pass.
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07.27.08
Posted in Web and Tech Stuff at 6:21 am by Jules
I am so irritated. I spent hours on Friday re-working my blog theme until I had it JUST right on my local machine. Everything was exactly like I wanted. So, I uploaded the theme files - and BAM - it was all fucked up! I don’t have a clue what happened, and I don’t have all the files I was working with here at home. So, I guess I’ll have to wait until Monday when I get back to work to try and see if I can figure out what happened. Man. So mad.
So, I’m using this one still in the mean time … *sniff*
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07.23.08
Posted in Food and Cooking at 12:34 pm by Jules
No, that title is not in reference to a has-been drag queen. 
I love leftovers. Almost every time we go out to eat at a restaurant, I leave with a carry-out box in my hand (or Kari Out as the Chinese place’s box company is called). We have leftovers a lot when we cook at home, too. We don’t, however, always end up eating them. In an effort to waste less and save money, I’ve been trying to think of ways to re-use leftovers in future meals. This week has been a success so far!
Monday, we had pot roast with potatoes and carrots and a kick-ass gravy! (Logan “made” the pot roast, etc. in the crock pot. Jake made the gravy afterwards out of the liquid-y stuff.) I ate some yesterday for breakfast and lunch, but after my lunch, there were no more potatoes and no more carrots (cuz I heart them, yurm) but a nice big ol’ chunk of meat left. Into the fridge it went. Today, into the crock pot it went! Along with a big can of cream of mushroom soup, beef broth, corn, green beans, green peas, pepper, and Cavender’s seasoning. Soup will await us tonight when we get home! Jake says I make the best soups he’s ever had in his life, and I never seem to do it the same way twice. LOL.
Last night, I cooked spaghetti. Normally, I mix the pasta in with the meat sauce. I like it that way, but it really gives you LESS meat sauce per serving and too much pasta. I figured I could either cook half the pasta (which I don’t like to do for some reason), or I’d serve the s’ghetti differently and use the leftover pasta. I opted for #2 in this case. After dinner, I took the leftover pasta and mixed most of it up with a can of tuna, a tablespoon of mayo, some yellow mustard, dill cubes, and salt/pepper. VOILA! Tuna pasta salad for lunch today, I had.
So, yeah. I’m the leftovers queen. Will let y’all know how the soup actually turns out.
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Posted in Life at 9:06 am by Jules
The egoic mind is when you are completely identified with the voice in your head. It is conditioned by the past, and it is repetitive and persistent. The ego is an entity which strives to maintain its existence via any means possible. It thrives on useless thinking, and it feeds off the pain-body. The ego is what controls most of our lives, and it is who we *think* we are. This is not the case, ultimately.
When you live through the mind-made self comprised of thought and emotion that is the ego, the basis for your identity is precarious because thought and emotion are by their very nature ephemeral, fleeting. (page 60, A New Earth)
Humanity is fleeting. Mind is fleeting. Thoughts and emotions are fleeting. The ego is fleeting. Being always exists in one form or another. It is the only lasting thing we have, and it can be accessed right now. The fact that almost everything we know is transient can be scary for some. Fear is almost an entity unto itself, but it is actually another part of the Ego. It has been said that all fear is the Ego’s fear of death. If you examine that statement, you find great truth in it and very little dispute.
Try to remember that YOU are not your EGO. When you find yourself becoming identified with your thoughts, take a step back and view them objectively with no judgment. Return to the present moment. Remember, this can be done either by conscious breathing or by using your senses to bring you into the Now. Listen to a bird singing. Look at a flower. Touch something and really feel it. Pay attention to where you are and when you are. Don’t let your ego run your life!
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07.22.08
Posted in Web and Tech Stuff at 2:18 pm by Jules
So, y’all will notice my blog is looking a bit different. I came up with a “theme” of my own for my blog years ago after I started it, but I never learned enough CSS, etc. Well, I’m finally working on it! I decided to go ahead and implement it here, so if you see anything weird or not working or whatever, please let me know! Until further notice, please realize that I’m NOT done with the design yet, so it will continue to change.
K THX BAI!
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07.21.08
Posted in PostSecret at 9:22 am by Jules
This week’s fun.
Definitely an awesome attitude. 
I hope not. Don’t lose faith.
I can relate to this. Although, I don’t think I would literally go that far to have it.
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07.16.08
Posted in Life at 7:46 am by Jules
If we’re to be totally honest, the majority of our thinking is useless. Most of the thoughts we have throughout the day don’t have any real purpose. They serve as brain noise - our attempt (unconsciously) to escape from the present moment because that is the one place we really do not want to be. Thought without action is futile. You can think and plan all the most wonderful things in the world, but if you never follow through with anything relating to those thoughts, if nothing is ever born from them, they have done nothing but occupy your mind and use up energy which would have been better suited if applied to some course of action, namely the present moment. In this way, thinking is almost an enemy and is certainly not an ally. If the only thing thinking accomplishes is the production of more thoughts, what good is it? What do those thoughts get you? What purpose do they serve? How do they actually enhance your life?
Try to think less. Try to save thinking and planning for appropriate moments. Do these things deliberately and consciously. If you’re taking a walk, that really is not the time to plan your financial future. If you’re playing with your children or pets, that really is not the time to plan what you’ll be cooking for dinner next week. Enjoy your walk. Enjoy your family. Save the thoughts and planning for a time when you can put them to actual use. If you do this, your thinking will be sharper, clearer, and more useful to you when you need it.
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07.15.08
Posted in General at 12:57 pm by Jules
I haven’t been blogging as much lately, have I? I’ve been kinda down, and I’m not positive why. This is disconcerting for me because I usually can pinpoint something (or rather, somethingS since there always seems to be a multitude). This time, though, it’s not depression, and I don’t know why I’m so BLAH. I’m wondering if it started with the pain recurrence. (Did I previously mention that in a blog entry?) It’s possible. Because since the mouth thing, it has seemed like one thing after another with the previous one(s) never totally going away! *growl*
However, it’s just as likely that it’s stemming from the warmed-over death which is my job right now. Ugh! I’m one of those people who works best when quite busy. Not overwhelmingly busy, mind you, but I prefer to have something to DO, and I’m a pretty fast and efficient worker, to boot.
I’m not a good ‘net surfer. I get bored very quickly online if I have no one to talk to and am done with all the sites I visit (which really isn’t many). I can’t effectively read at work because I get interrupted too often by crap or the telephone. (Those two could actually be one in the same, huh?) The job I’ve been doing here for 9 years is almost totally gone. Long story. I find myself with nothing to do a LOT more often than something to do, and I’m just … tired!
DAMMITALLMAN
Anyway - I finally broke down yesterday and bought three new wonderful cheap and stretchy pairs of jeans from Wal-Mart. Now, at least I can be bored without feeling like a super stuffed sausage.
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Posted in PostSecret at 9:21 am by Jules
A day late - and more than a dollar short - but here are my PostSecret favorites this week.
Dude - that is just WEIRD! Seriously.
That’s tough. I hope you don’t lose it all.
Awwww. Hopefully it’s sweet and not EW.
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07.11.08
Posted in Medical Shit at 8:15 am by Jules
I will be keeping a copy of this printed out in my purse to show doctors when they try to ignorantly give me NSAIDS. (source)
What happens to the lower stomach?
—Why your surgeon doesn’t want you to take Motrin
The lower stomach is still an active organ. It continues to make gastric hormones, acid, enzymes, and mucous. It does not shrink up or go away. It can also develop ulcers.
The effect of aspirin, Motrin®, or a host of other drugs called non-steroidal anti-inflammatories (NSAID), is to break the barrier in the stomach. This does not bother some people too much, but a fair number of individuals end up with some ulcers. While having a pill sit on or in the stomach is irritating, the effect of the NSAID is not dependent on direct contact. This is why a number of surgeons do not like their patients taking these pills (like aspirin, ibuprofen, Naprosyn®, Indomethacin®, and other drugs of this class). If you develop an ulcer in the lower stomach, there is no easy way to have it treated or even diagnosed.
That lower stomach is physically separate from the upper pouch. Normally if a patient develops ulcer symptoms, a gastroenterologist can look into the stomach with an endoscope and make the diagnosis of an ulcer. If that ulcer is bleeding, the gastroenterologist can also treat the ulcer to stop it from bleeding by injecting a drug into it or putting some electric current on the ulcer to coagulate it. These options are taken away once you have a RNY bypass. There is no physical way to get to that ulcer. If these medications are important to you, you might wish to consider some other operation instead of the RNY bypass.
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07.10.08
Posted in General at 9:14 am by Jules
I currently have a stack of about 6 or 7 pairs of jeans/pants on my bed at home. They’re lonely lonely jeans/pants. They miss hugging my bottom. Why do they miss hugging my bottom, you ask?
BECAUSE I’M TOO FAT TO WEAR THEM, ANYMORE, DAMMIT!!!!
Seriously - I need to lose about 20-25 pounds. (Fucking Lyrica.) I need to lose it now. I need a good crash diet. Screw all that “eating right” shit. I just want to lose these pounds and then be done with it.
Where’s that fargin’ cabbage soup?
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07.08.08
Posted in Funnies, General at 12:12 pm by Jules
Wiccans are, in some circles, referred to as “Fluffy Bunnies.” Some folks use this term in a derogatory manner and some use it just in fun and some use it not at all. Like Jake. He refers to Wiccans as “Bunny Huggers.”
Read this:
Jake: “You remember that guy I introduced you to? He’s Pagan.”
Me: “Really? What kind of Pagan is he?”
Jake: “He’s Wiccan.”
Me: ” … How can you be Wiccan and be a prison guard??”
Jake: “Maybe he hugs the bunnies tightly?? I dunno.”
LMAO! Funny.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against Wiccans nor their crede nor their chosen way of life, just so you know. I poke fun of all equally.
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07.07.08
Posted in PostSecret at 10:08 am by Jules
My thanks to Michelle, by the way, for turning me on to PostSecret.
Priceless!!! HAHAHAHA
I’m sorry, but this is awful. Ask her again. Tell her you’re a shitbug.
This is something I’ll keep in mind. Heh.
I hope it never changes, too! Good for you.
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Posted in General, Movies at 7:40 am by Jules
Returning to work on a Monday is never really pleasant. Returning to work on a Monday after a three-day weekend spent almost exclusively in the wonderful company of the person you love more than anyone else on the planet is super not really pleasant. Add to that the fact that you really don’t have much at all to DO at work, and yeah - I’d rather be at home in the bed with Jake.
But, I’m not. I have to be here right now because - yeah - jobs pay the bills! Yippee. I take comfort in the fact that I will, more than likely, have time to finish reading the HTML/CSS book I started reading last week and maybe learn a little bit more about it. At least I have coffee!
Jake and I have been wanting to see the new Hulk movie before it’s gone from theaters. Finally taking the plunge, we drove to Dublin yesterday (about 50 miles - considering gas prices, we were using up a lot more of our spending money than we should’ve) to go see it. The little guy at the ticket booth broke our world when he responded to our requests for tickets with, “They’re having trouble with the sound in that movie.”
What?
No, really … WHAT???
“Do you mean … they’re having trouble with the sound as in it doesn’t WORK or …”
“It works, but you can’t really hear it very well.”
Jake and I exchanged looks, sighed deeply, and he said, “Okay then. Two for Wanted.”
Dude, I loved that movie! LOL. So, while it sucked we still haven’t seen Edward Norton in all his green hulky glory (and probably won’t get to until the movie hits the DVD shelves), I really did enjoy the movie we got to see. I loved that kid (I could’ve sworn he was Gerard Butler’s love child or really younger brother or something [*]). Jake didn’t. Go freakin’ figure!
Eh - this now ends my disjointed and too-eager and rushed Monday morning blog entry. Before I go, just to re-iterate, I had a kick-ass holiday weekend and really don’t want to fucking be here this morning.
[*] Dude - I went and looked up that “kid,” and he’s 29. I thought he was a good bit younger than that. Weird, too, that he’s Scottish - and um, so is Gerard Butler. Hmmmm.
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07.01.08
Posted in Logan at 8:34 am by Jules
No, not THAT kind of brownies, although hey - that would be fun. LOL.
Jake and Logan went grocery shopping yesterday and decided they wanted some brownies, apparently, so they bought one of those yurmmy brownie mixes. Last night, Logan decided (after we ate dinner at the table like grown-ups) that she wanted to make said brownies. She commenced to gathering all of her required tools and ingredients, preheated the oven, and set out measuring. I noticed her pouring the veggie oil into the measuring cup and a brief thought went through my head, but it was quickly ignored and replaced by, “GENE SIMMONS IS FUNNY!”
Next thing we know, she’s stirring up the batter for what seems an eternity and says, “Is it SUPPOSED to be all thin like this?” Then it struck me.
“How much oil did you actually put in there?” I asked.
She looked at the box and said, “It says 1/4 cup. That’s what I did!”
I giggled a bit and said, “Get the measuring cup and show me.”
So, she did. “See???” she said, pointing at the mark. “One quarter cup!!”
. . .
I said, “Logan - that’s ONE and a quarter cup.”
. . . . . .
She was SO not happy as she pouted, slammed around, and finally dumped out the what-would’ve-turned-into-a-supreme-oven-fire brownie batter.
NO BROWNIES FOR YOU!
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